Final Fantasy 7 is 20 years old tomorrow, and the highly anticipated Final Fantasy 7 Remake is coming soon. Or eventually, anyway. “Final Fantasy 7 Remake will be told across a multi-part series, with each entry providing its own unique experience,” we’ve been told by Square Enix.
Because yes, it will be an episodic Final Fantasy 7. At least, sort of. So it goes, anyway. But what could these “unique experiences” be? Well, in case you’re reading Mr. SE, here’s some ideas for you about what an episode Final Fantasy 7 Remake could be.
Final Fantasy VII Remake: “Pilot”
Recently disbarred SOLIDER Cloud Strife (Joel McHale) is forced to attend Midgar Community College to redeem his illegitimate SOLDIER degree, planning on exploiting his friendship with former client Professor Hojo (John Oliver) for test answers. He starts up a Spanish study group in order to score with attractive classmate Tifa Lockhart (Gillian Jacobs), who invites her friend Barret Wallace (Danny Pudi), who in turn invites classmates Vincent Valentine (Donald Glover), Aerith Gainsborough (Alison Brie), Yuffie Kisaragi (Yvette Nicole Brown), and Red XIII (Chevy Chase).
After believing he has secured a date with Tifa, Cloud stirs up conflict within the group in order to leave with her, only to be confronted by her about his ulterior motive. When he gives an inspirational speech to calm them down and finally go out with Tifa, she reveals his true intentions and asks him to leave. Cloud storms out, only to find out the answers obtained from Professor Hojo are actually blank. As he is leaving campus, Cloud runs into Red XIII and Vincent who are encouraged by his advice. Cloud resigns himself to flunking the test, but Tifa, speaking for the group, reluctantly invites him back, saying the group didn’t make much progress after his departure.
Final Fantasy VII Remake: Snowboarding HD
Steep can get fucked. Let’s take snowboarding and winter sports back to their roots. And I don’t mean SSX. Everyone knows that when it comes to snowboarding, Final Fantasy VII is the true OG. And that bit in Twilight Princess that tried to rip it off? Shameless. Absolutely shameless. Would Final Fantasy 7 Remake be trues to its roots if it didn’t encompass a remaster of the Final Fantasy 7 Snowboarding mini-game? The answer is no.
Final Fantasy VII Remake Episode 2: Starved for Help
After having secured a buggy, Cloud and the other survivors run low on food, and decide to take an offer made by Choco Billy, Choco Bill, and Chloe, a family who own a nearby Chocobo Ranch. They come to learn the Choco family may not be what they seem. Cloud discovers the Choco family have engaged in cannibalism. The Choco family lock the group away, and Barret suffers another heart attack; without medicine to revive him, the group is forced to smash his head in, traumatizing Tifa. Cloud and the group make their escape, disengaging the electric fence and leaving the fate of the Choco family to the oncoming Chocobo horde.
Final Fantasy VII Remake: Ehrgeiz: God Bless the Ring HD
When it comes to the best fighting games of all time there’s only a few options to pick from. There’s Dissidia Final Fantasy, of course. And also Ehrgeiz: God Bless the Ring, an early Square Enix PSOne fighting game that was sort of the Smash Bros. of the Square Enix world. Get a load of that box art. If Ehrgeiz God Bless the Ring doesn’t make an appearance as part of Remake, then God has truly abandoned us.
Final Fantasy VII Remake Episode 3: Judgment
Aeris is caught in Shinra’s trap. Following a clue she left behind, Cloud and Tifa search for a way into Shinra’s tower. Meanwhile, Barret confronts a dangerous figure with a mysterious connection to Red XIII’s past. Lives and ulterior motives intertwine, never knowing what fate Midgar has in store.
Final Fantasy VII Remake Episode 4: Dark Room
Cloud realises that changing the past can lead to painful consequences and that time is not a great healer. His investigation into the disappearance of Zack begins to reach a thrilling conclusion as he finds the Dark Room. Will the answers lie within? Or will there just be trouble?
On 31st January 2017 Final Fantasy 7 will be officially 20 years old! What a landmark! What kind of episodic experiences would you like to see from an episodic Final Fantasy 7 Remake? Let us know in the comments!