BlazBlue Cross Tag Battle launches today (Friday June 22nd), and with its flashy and colourful visuals paired with its simple but deep mechanics, it’s set to be a phenomenal title. So, I thought I would throw a party in celebration!
No seriously, imagine a big party, with the core roster of BlazBlue Cross Tag Battle all invited … Now imagine what cakes of the myriad of cakes available these different (and often quite odd) characters would enjoy. That’s right, I’ve attempted to do just that, so let’s begin …
Azrael – Fruitcake
Now, Azrael was the toughest to pick a cake for, but I have never known any other type of cake go hard as quickly as fruitcake does, and seeing as Azrael is the “hardest” fellow in the BlazBlue universe, it made perfect sense to gift him with a slice of the fruity, nutty treat. Although, I think we can all agree that he wouldn’t put butter on it to sweeten the taste, as he loves the challenge.
Chie – Devil’s Food
Chie is a girl that needs a tonne of energy, what with her energetic lifestyle and constant almost-shouting, and Devil’s Food cake is one of the most overpoweringly sugary ones out there. Chocolate, with chocolate and a touch more chocolate. She might be a carnivore, but this would bring out her sweet tooth for sure.
Es – Tiramisu
Although Es does like the occasional (or not so occasional) pudding, I think she’s classier than that, hence I’d bring her this coffee-soaked italian delight. It’s sophisticated enough to match her lady-like exterior, but sweet enough to brush aside her desire for pudding (also, I think she would love the gentle coffee flavours).
Gordeau – Black Forest Gateau
I won’t lie to you, my initial reason for this was that their names both end in ‘eau’, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Tart but sweet, the Black Forest Gateau would perfectly suit the Harvester of Greed, as the ambivalent joker he often seems. Although he likely wouldn’t be much of a fan of the chocolate sponge, the cherries would definitely win him over.
Hazama – Jaffa Cakes
As Hazama enjoys watching the world burn, I have absolutely no doubt that he would like the chance to add to the vehement warfare between those that believe that Jaffa Cakes are a cake, and those that believe they are biscuits. This could be dangerous, however, because he seems like his has an addictive personality and Jaffa Cakes are terrifyingly moreish.
Hyde – Blueberry Muffin
Blueberry muffins are great, they’re just sweet enough and filling enough to satisfy for a short while. They are, however, quite bland in the pantheon of cakes and that is why I think they’re the perfect cake for Hyde. He’s sweet in his disposition and motives (if not his language) and satisfying to play, but overall he is sadly just bland as a character.
Jin – Raspberry Pavlova
The icy, powdery shards of meringue in the pavlova would feel very familiar to Jin Kisaragi, what with his consistent use of Yukianesa. The reason for the raspberries was essentially symbolism, hinting towards his bloodlust towards his brother, Ragna. The chances are though that Jin wouldn’t approve of my party nor of the cake I chose for him.
Linne – Lemon Drizzle
Arguably, Linne is a rather bitter individual or at least comes across that way owing to her emotionless nature. The Lemon Drizzle Cake is subtly bitter, but is often balanced with a sweet lemon icing. Also, I decided to go with a slightly more ‘mature’ cake for Linne, as she is a lot older than she looks and thoroughly dislikes being treated like a child.
Makoto – Angel Cake
An angel cake for my perfect squirrel angel. No seriously, Makoto is perfect. But actually seriously, Makoto’s cheery and bright personality is a perfect fit for this light, airy, buttercream-filled cake. This being said, I would definitely get her the little iced finger angel cakes, because they are objectively the best kind.
Noel – Upside-down Cake
I’ll level with you all, I chose this cake for Noel based solely upon the fact that she is very much the most acrobatic of the combatants currently in Cross Tag Battle. The sweet aspect of the Upside-down Cake is mostly owing to the fruit, of which I believe that she would love peaches best. I would take special care not to burn it though.
Nu-13 – Fudge Brownie
Sickly sweet and covering all the bases between soft and heavy, Nu-13 would love the classic Fudge Brownie. She is known for having a split personality, and I think this baking mainstay would soften her harder, emotionless side while satiating her saccharine, obsessive side. I would just make sure to have more than one for her, just in case.
Rachel – Victoria Sponge
An old-fashioned lady deserves an old-fashioned cake. The Victoria Sponge is a classic English mainstay, and with very good reason. Despite only being three core elements, it shouldn’t be overlooked as if all those elements are just right, it stands as an undeniable god among cakes. English and shouldn’t be underestimated, just like Rachel herself.
Ragna – Red Velvet
Given his penchant for red, I mean he even has a red eye, this cake couldn’t really be given to any other character. Red Velvet cake is aggressively colourful and with a taste to match, and no one can say that that can easily forget our Ragna. Also, I personally don’t like Red Velvet cake, and I don’t really like Ragna, so of course I would give him the worst cake.
Ruby – Strawberry Shortcake
A perfect match for Ruby Rose is this cake that is really high on presentation, because just look at her sprite work in Cross Tag Battle, but really quite bland in taste overall. The Strawberry Shortcake tends to only be popular when strawberries are in season and at their sweetest, and this means only one season a year of Ruby (which might still be too much).
Tager – Bundt Cake
The Bundt Cake, unlike a lot of the treats at this party, is named after the shape of the tin it is baked in and therefore there is no fixed recipe. Tager, is always Tager, but is constantly has his recipe changed by Kokonoe through upgrades and augments. Therefore, I feel that he would feel at least a slight affinity with this arguably experimental cake.
Waldstein – Swiss Roll
A lot of the cakes on this list need slicing up, but I could just bring them as readily made slices. However, a lot of the fun with a Swiss Roll is cutting it yourself, and Waldstein arrives ready to slice cakes by default. This cake is a good one, but very low tier among its contemporaries, and I think that maybe Waldstein needs to see what being low tier tastes like (for once).
Weiss – Soufflé
It’s incredibly difficult to get a soufflé right, and the result is a beautifully delicate cake. The same could be said for Weiss in that she is quite difficult to use at first, but putting in the time and care with her results in wonderful results. I would need to make sure to get the recipe just right because, as an heiress, she is used to things being the best.
Yosuke – Chocolate Lava Cake
Yosuke is far more energetic and interesting than he appears at a first glance, you just need to look beneath the surface, and it’s the same for the simple Lava Cake. It might look like a simple chocolate sponge, but the moment you dig that spoon in, that luscious chocolate filling oozes out. Also, Yosuke is active enough that the excessive calories won’t be a problem.
Yu – Carrot Cake
My lasting impression of Yu in Cross Tag Battle is that he’s interesting, but not overly great on his own, hence gifting him with the humble Carrot Cake. This cake is very pleasant, but actually needs icing or buttercream or something to stop it being completely tasteless. I think that Yu would enjoy a slice, but as he’s usually a silent protagonist, he likely wouldn’t protest.
Yukiko – Battenberg
Battenburg is one of those cakes that thinks very highly of itself for no discernable reason, and I actually think that Yukiko is the same, so she would love this slightly pretentious pink and yellow marzipan beauty. It’s also a perfect compliment to a good cup of tea, which I also believe that Yukiko would appreciate (disclaimer: I love battenberg and am part of the problem).
That’s all for my party; the cake is all served, the guests were all satisfied (I hope), and everyone left happy (I hope more). BlazBlue Cross Tag Battle is released today on Playstation 4 and Nintendo Switch in Europe. Check out our review here, and check back later here on Rice Digital for more coverage of this title.
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