Six of the best giant penis monsters
Here at Rice Digital, we pride ourselves on covering the subjects, both in anime and in video games, that other outlets are afraid of. We work long and hard to bring you the content you love, cutting through the bollocks and dishing out the cream of the crop without giving anyone the shaft. I know you’re all bursting with excitement, so let’s not beat around the bush here. Today, we’re going balls deep and bringing you our biggest Top Six list ever: our top six penis monsters in anime and video games.
(Dicks – Ed.)
Mara from Shin Megami Tensei
The Shin Megami Tensei series prides itself on bringing the weirdest demons out for you to wield. Many, like the Incubus and Succubus, have obvious sexual overtones but try to present them as part of their mythological origins. While some try to be subtle with their sexual nature, others, like Mara, are just giant phalluses on wheels. I mean, he is also known as the “Throbbing Lord of Desire” in Persona 5 so it isn’t like the series is interested in subtlety.
Mitsuko’s stepfather from Battle Royale
So, this list’s origins began as a conversation with our illustrious editor after my write-up of Battle Royale Volume 8. In that review, I allude to how Mitsuko, the troubled and murderous star of that volume, views her sexually abusive stepfather. This panel was difficult to miss and was both disturbing and powerful with how it portrayed the impact this sort of abuse can have on young people. The penis here is not only giant but deformed and dangerous, with teeth and claws. I love this panel even if it is one of the reasons I never want to read this volume ever again.
Shamshel from Neon Genesis Evangelion
Another series that chose to forgo subtlety in favour of beating the viewer over the head with its imagery, Evangelion was a direct exploration of sexual awakening for teenagers. And no story of sexual awakening is complete without a giant penis rampaging through a city. Shamshel is the second angel to attack Tokyo-3 and takes a much more aggressive position as it battles Shinji, upping the stakes of the show and dramatically exploding onto the scene.
So many aliens from No Man’s Sky
In the infinite expanse of the universe, there will always be the opportunity for strange creatures. No Man’s Sky proves this by offering the inevitable final stage of evolution – the glorious penis monster. It was always going to happen and there is something beautiful about how it did. Unlike in Spore, where it was players designing dongs to populate their worlds, these are the products of a cold, unfeeling heart. The penis aliens of No Man’s Sky show that all life will one day evolve into a penis.
The Penis Monster from Gynoug
Back in 1991, side-scrolling shooter Gynoug was released for the Sega Mega Drive — and it got a more recent rerelease on Switch, too. It was largely innocuous, with players taking on the role of the angel Wor as he fought against the onslaught of demons to save the heavens from The Destroyer. Along the way, Wor must battle against some impressively designed bosses that take their cue from the chaotic realm of demonology. This boss, who is quite explicitly a penis monster, actually fits right in among the other creatures you fight in this game.
Miraidon from Pokémon Violet
Few series are more wholesome than Pokémon. It is a world where every problem can be solved by a 12-year-old on a journey of discovery and most people get a pet to follow them around and fight their battles for them. So it might be a surprise to people to find that there is a penis monster waiting for them in the upcoming title. Miraidon showed up in a recent trailer for the game, taking flight with two large jetpacks on its legs and a long, slim body reaching up into the clouds above. This isn’t just a penis monster – it is a legendary penis monster.
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