Videogame porn – how perverted are YOU?

Now it probably won’t surprise you to hear that some of my closest friends consider me to be some kind of disgustng pervert. This probably wasn’t helped by the fact that I recently decided to double dip on girly-rail-shooter Gal Gun Double Peace on PS4 and Vita.

 

To be fair it was strictly research (for this very website) but that didn’t stop my friends suggesting that I was, potentially, a danger to society.

 

So the questions is this – am I really a pervert? I mean, really?

 

I don’t see Gal Gun as Videogame porn. I don’t see Natsuiro High School which… er… I may or may not own  –  as videogame porn. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t consider Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball as videogame porn either.

 

So how could I settle this once and for all? Put myself in the clear as TOTALLY not being a pervy videogame porn guy, and instead coming out of this a perfectly respectable and fine upstanding pillar of society.

 

Science, my friends, SCIENCE holds the key to my being vindicated. So join me! JOIN ME! As I use the power of science  (or rather, isitporn.com) to determine which of my recent games and anime interests can be classed as anime or videogame porn.

 

Okay, so here we go. Gal Gun – that which started this whole thing in the first place. Is it porn?

 

Galgun1

 

‘Great’. Well that’s not the start I wanted. Are we SURE it’s porn?

 

galgun 2

 

*Phew* – see?! Use of tentacles does not (as SCIENCE tells us) a pervert make!

 

Next up – Dragonball. I’ve been getting reacquainted recently. This is totally wholesome righ-

 

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WTF?! This must surely be some kind of anomaly, right?

 

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Weeeeell fuuuuck yoooou, Toriyama.

 

Next – Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball. Everyone says this is Videogame porn and they’d be…

 

Dead-or-alive-xtreme-beach-volleyball-1440x900-2

 

WRONG! Haha, see that?!

 

‘Clean’!

 

Next up – Pokemon! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with Pokem-

 

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Wait… WHAT?!

 

Jiggly

 

Are you fucking KIDDING ME?!

 

Brock

 

Thanks a bunch, Brock.

 

Looks like this experiment isn’t quite working out as I’d hoped. 🙁 Okay, so lets get some of the ‘bad’ ones out of the way shall we?

 

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for NATSUIRO HIGH SCHOOL!!! *round of applause*

 

hentai-vita-game-natsuiro001

 

Hang on, even I know this is videogame porn of the highest order. Surely there’s been some mistake?

 

images

 

Who am I to argue with science! Onwards! ^_^

 

Catherine! I tried to finish this the other week, as it’s been sitting on my shelf for ages. Not going to lie – some bits are pret-ty arousing…

 

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*mops brow*

 

Not arousing enough it seems!

 

Another ‘CLEAN’!

 

Sooo, what’s next? How about another Atlus game, I’m feeling lucky!

 

How about something Persona-based?

 

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Doh!

 

persona

 

Yeeaaaah, that’s more like it – just two handsome young school boys having a friendly hug. I am down with this kind of clean living.

 

Okay, how about Nintendo?! Surely they, IF NO ONE ELSE – bastions of ‘family friendly’ – can cement my reputation as a the kind of guy you’d take home to your mother…

 

MarioLuigi2

 

 

…er, excuse me?!

 

peachandsamus

 

Well, to be fair – I’d be lying if the I had’t run this scenario though my head at least once. 

 

Speaking of fighting games how about –

 

street fighter-vodeogame-porn

 

ugh.

 

Okay, so how about Metal Gear V Phantom Pain, I’m playing that at the momen-

 

quiet-videogame-porn

 

Of course. A schoolboy error if ever I saw one.

 

Well, given things aren’t looking up for me right now – I may as well go with Senran Kagura Bon Appetit. The only reason anyone plays this game is for the gripping storyline and…

 

senran-kagura-videogame-porn

 

…er… lovely, clean-living young ladies with a healthy interest in home baking.

 

Yes.

 

While we’re on the subject of cooking – I’m quite enjoying catching up with Food Wars at the moment. Some people take issue with the fan service, which is frankly…

 

food wars tentacle sexy

 

ludicrous.

 

Once again, Tentacles are scientifically proven to be 22.3% CLEAN.

 

Don’t know about you but I’m feeling pretty vindicated right now. So vindicated that I’m 100% certain that my last two games are going to absolve me of any kind of Videogame Porn – based wrong-doing.

 

Firstly, there is literally NOTHING dirty about incredible sci-fi Visual Novel, Steins;Gate!

 

steins;gate

 

IT’S NOT FUCKING PORN! It’s JUST. NOT!

 

This isn’t science – this is a goddamned witchhunt! 🙁

 

Okay – time for the failsafe. Sonic. Sonic the hedgehog. I know I’ve been tough on you lately Sega, but surely Sonic can redeem me?!

 

sonic-videogame-porn

 

This is a joke right? How about this one?

 

sonic-videogame-porn

 

No it COULDN’T! It couldn’t possibly be porn! There’s nothing even remotely sexy about Sonic and Tails…

 

sonic-and-tails-sonic-the-hedgehog-31210670-640-479

OH

 

FUCK.

 

THIS.

 

 

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate all of you?

 

*slams door*

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