‘I’m in the mood for love!’ – as I’m often heard whispering, to complete strangers at my local bus station – before scurrying away sideways like some kind of disgusting crab. I’m also in the mood for a little Valentines stupidity – thanks to that Senran Kagura Valentine e-card doing the rounds.
So, yeah… here we go then. Love poems to girls I kinda fancy from videogames.
My first-love of gaming.
When 12, you came to me.
Wrapped in gold and silver
underneath my Christmas tree.
You slotted nicely in my SNES
and, while sucking on some candy,
I’d make you Spinning Bird Kick.
just so I could see your panties.
Oh Misty, Misty!
Kanto’s watery strumpet
You’re my favourite piece
Of Pokemon crumpet.
I dig your sideways pony tail
Your denim hot-pants are a vision
If I take this any further,
I’m gonna end up in prison.
Surprised to find her on this list?
So okay, she’s not a human.
She’s just a furry pink hedgehog
with a massive red weapon.
but once I read some fan-fiction,
and found myself erect –
‘Amy going nuts on Tails’ –
where she bludgeons him to death.
Your sister’s much more famous,
of that, we can be sure.
But it’s always you I’ve fancied –
my thoughts are quite impure…
We play a sport of some description,
but I really don’t care what –
for it’s your sporty little shorts and skirt
that really get me hot.
Actually, to be honest –
all that sweaty skin-tight leather?
Woven up from witches hair?
I think I’ve gone right off her.
And guns? On her legs?!
Is she fucking insane?!
‘Take your boots off in my bedroom, ma’am’
‘before you blow out both our brains!’
Those years ago, when I was you young –
life was oh-so simple.
I never really dug you much –
you were just a bunch of pixels
But all that sky-blue lycra,
get’s my heartbeat kinda frantic!
I’ll take a can-opener to your Chozo suit
so we can get romantic!
This feature was brought you in association with Google Image Search and ILJG who runs the I Love Japanese Games Facebook Page.
His views are definitely not those held by Rice Digital or it’s partners.
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